Monday, October 30, 2006

The Death of Adam, and why I love it here.

I picked up a book by Marilynne Robinson the other day - Essays on Modern Thought. Impressive, huh? Yeah, dig me. I'm limping through this book like I have with similar literature. These are good quotes to show why - taken from the introduction (yeah, I'm not in the actual book yet.)

"I want to overhear passionate arguments about what we are and what we are doing and what we ought to do. I want to feel that art is an utterance made in good faith by one human being to another. I want to believe there are geniuses scheming to astonish the rest of us, just for the pleasure of it. I miss civilization, and I want it back."
Example
______

The weather here in downtown is such that I had to pull over on the street a 1/4 mile away from where I was headed, so I could walk. It's just perfection. A breezy, sunny day, with red, orange and yellow leaves blowing across the street like they think they're in NYC.

I'm writing today. Watch me write. Write, boy, write. Beat down the inner-critic. Amaze yourself, and have courage to share it.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Study of aes·thet·ics...

Example
Once upon a time there was an ocean
But now it's a mountain range
Something unstoppable set into motion
Nothing is different, but everything's changed

It's a dead end job, and you gets tired of sittin'
And it's like a nicotine habit you're always thinking about quittin'
I think about quittin' every day of the week
When I look out my window it's brown and it's bleak

Outta here
How am I gonna get outta here?
I'm thinking outta here
When am I gonna get outta here?
And when will I cash in my lottery ticket
And bury my past with my burdens and strife?
I want to shake every limb in the garden of Eden
And make every love the love of my life

I figure that once upon a time I was an ocean
But now I'm a mountain range
Something unstoppable set into motion
Nothing is different, but everything's changed

Found a room in the heart of the city, down by the bridge
Hot plate and TV and beer in the fridge
But I'm easy, I'm open, that's my gift
I can flow with the traffic, I can drift with the drift
Home again?
Naw, never going home again
Think about home again?
I never think about home

But then comes a letter from home
The handwriting's fragile and strange
Something unstoppable set into motion
Nothing is different, but everything's changed

The light through the stained glass was cobalt and red
And the frayed cuffs and collars were mended by haloes of golden thread
The choir sang, "Once Upon A Time There Was An Ocean"
And all the old hymns and family names came fluttering down as leaves of emotion

As nothing is different, but everything's changed
______

Paul Simon has made a record that continues to ring in my ears. Nothing is different, but everything's changed. I like to think I'm now "shaking every limb in the garden of eden."

For me, I think that means a new pursuit of freedom. living life unbound by oh-so-familiar medications that culture is pleased to provide me, and looking at the disorder with which I've processed pain....to high dive into what looks from here like concrete. Beauty and sorrow are the netting which I am hoping will hold on impact. Sorrow is the immediate and more obvious of the two. The beauty is work. The stretch. The beauty is discipline. Today, I fly head first, hoping they are enough.

Example
Chloe and Ella at the pumpkin patch. I think it's beautiful.