Begin again.

The cost of freedom is high today. So high. To be alive is to say I’m going to push against the evil in the world and fight for what is good and true and loving.

To be alive is also to know that fighting is sometimes standing still, and refusing to engage. To not speak to the lies. Let them dissolve in their own foolish time. The stuff of love will stand.

I have an ache today. It's something of a familiar feeling, like one I'm going to settle in with for some time. Grabbing a good grip on something quite heavy and starting to move. Recently, some friends and I arrived at a hard truth that "there may be no significant fundamental change in our lives." The limp, the gash, the bruise, the weight, the burn, the luggage, the hole, the fear. Most of what I can hope for is a community that allows me to put those things out in front of me from time to time and receive some tenderness and mercy.

"The man who is not afraid to admit everything that he sees to be wrong with himself, and yet recognizes that he may be the object of God's love precisely because of his shortcomings, can begin to be sincere. His sincerity is based on confidence, not in his illusions about himself, but in the endless, unfailing mercy of God. No man is an island." T. Merton.