I’m just on the other side of 10 days in London, with a day and a half in Paris in the middle of it. I spent a few months there under different circumstances, many years ago, and it was magical returning to experience it this way. There is still shock that it happened. Financially, I wasn’t in the position to do it, but with some thanks to frequent flyer miles, dreams advance. I’ve not had a lot of time to write – or more honestly – I’ve wondered if what has happened to my head and heart were believable to me, let alone to others, that I could sit and write it to you.
On this day, I can still access moments on the trip where I looked at the beauty around me…looked at my hands…listened to myself breathing. I had to make sure it was me, there. Still shaking off fear. Experiencing the wonder of new life. Hope. It wrecks me to think about it too often. Gratitude, tears, a deep exhale…all caught up in a simple remembrance…the sun, a garden, a curry, a headache, a ticket stub, an outstretched hand, a song. A new song.
Every day there seems to be a new welling. And a new assertion. I’m seeing my life and some of the pieces shuffle about in ways that lead to the biggest smiles I’ve had in years…and some of the most healing tears.
I am…we are…prisoners of hope. Those who are bound to belief. This morning, John O’Donohue offered words to these indescribable feelings.
FOR A NEW BEGINNING
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
I have glimpsed this terrifying and beautiful world, and I want to take it further into my being today.